Weary

That's the perfect word for me this morning. I'm weary physically, emotionally, spiritually. I've been fighting an infection since the weekend and my body is feeling the effects of that. And yesterday we got a financial double whammy. I don't really feel like spiritually boosting myself up and reminding myself about all the things I know to be true about God. I'm frustrated. And truth be told, a little hurt I think. I know God doesn't function at a performance-based level. But when you strive to seek Him, please Him, trust Him, and really believe that your heart is right... Yesterday was really hard to handle. And I got mad at God. I don't think I'm mad anymore. Just...weary and wondering why He does what He does. There are no assurances that when we trust Him and obey Him He will "reward" us and bless us. I know that. But yesterday was so disappointing, because I think on some level I hope that He will work that way.

God, I know You're in control here, and I know my heart is what matters to You. I know that the money is Yours. I know that You love me. And that Your plan is perfect. And there is purpose behind everything You do and/or allow. But right now I only feel like this sucks. And I'm tired. I don't feel ready for today. Thanks that I get to see my girlfriends this morning. Perfect timing. I trust You and believe You intellectually. Please help my hear to follow quickly.