A Losing Battle

Just felt like I needed to be here for a minute. I've been battling discouragement for...awhile. I don't know how long exactly. I think it kinda just sneaked up on me. And now I'm in this full blown battle...and I'm losing. Bad. All of my usual sources of encouragement or affirmation or pick-me-ups have been sorely disappointing lately. I don't know if God is stripping me of those "relievers" right now because He wants me to look to Him as my only source of encouragement, my sufficiency, or...what. But that's frustrating to me, because He's not here! He can't be excited with me about what's happening with house stuff. He can't look into my eyes and tell me everything's gonna be OK. He can't verbally affirm and encourage me. He usually uses people for that! There are so many things going on right now. So many things I want to be excited about. Things I want to write about. I just can't get out from under this heaviness. [Lord, a little sunshine might help. Just sayin'.] I can't even find the time to really write. So then I end up here all frustrated! This is not how I want to be. I want to be the person that I know God is transforming me to be. But right now I feel ugly and undesirable.

Jared left me a letter this morning. It's supernaturally appropriate. Some highlights:

"Distractions suck. They're very real things that strive to take our attention away from something else. The Evil One seems to be hitting us pretty hard with distractions recently..."

"...God has completely prepared us for today!"

"...I just realized that He has written our story in such a way that we will never again be satisfied with 'the pleasant life'."

"We've tasted the true water, and we can never be satisified with anything less."

"I'm convinced, my dear one, that God wants to use this short season of uncertainty and upheaval to take us deeper. He's setting Himself up for a huge win..."

Another friend put it this way: "God loves to stack the odds against Himself in our lives so He can show His power!"

I feel discouraged. I feel like I've already lost. But God...

That's all I have right now.