Still More

We got more bad news about Jared's car today. I still feel too sick about it to go into detail, but I had to come here to assert some things. Process. Feel God's pleasure...maybe. Please.

My mentor emailed me last night with the story of Elijah's (read God's) victory against Baal, and subsequent run for his life. What brought me to tears was when she reminded me of the tenderness and intimate care God showed towards Elijah. Lord, I desperately need that. I need Your tenderness. Your gentle, intimate care. I feel so fragile right now. On the verge of breaking. You've been doing incredible amounts of work in my heart, affecting tremendous change - all good - but exhausting at the same time. Then there is the stress of normal life with this beautiful family You've given me; an intense schedule throughout the month of March; a house on the market; strong feelings still not completely dealt with in regards to Judah's next surgery. It's too much. Lord, Your tenderness. Please. Won't You meet me here and hold me in Your lap? Let me be Your scared, vulnerable child while You hold me and gently tend to my heart? Just make it all OK?

I believe that God is good all the time. There is nothing that He does that is not good. There is nothing that comes from Him that is not good...and for our good. He is only good. I believe that God loves me. He delights in me and dances over me. He hurts with me, and holds all my tears in a bottle. He is with me always. His plan is perfect and His ways, though far beyond my comprehension, are perfect. Who am I before God? I am nothing...and yet He chooses to see His radiant, righteous, glorious Son when He looks at me. I am seated in the heavenlies. God's grace is sufficient. He is sufficient. Everything is His. He allows me to have so that I can glorify Him and minister to others. My purpose is to know Him and make Him known. He is faithful. He is just. He is merciful. He is tender. This is what I know to be true.

I don't feel most of these things right now, but I'm gonna be OK with that, because I choose to believe them anyway. I know that my feelings and circumstances have nothing to do with Who God Is. He is Who He is.

I don't know what the answers are to the practical challenges we face right now. I have no idea how God is going to resolve everything. He stacks the odds against Himself, and we have the humbling privilege to watch Him work. To see Him display His awesome power and faithfulness.

God, help my unbelief.

And thanks for the sunshine today. And a wonderful evening with my family.