Transition to Joy

I've gone through a lot of transitions since September. Not one of them very easy or pleasant. But over the last several weeks (I don't really know when it happened) I've gone through another one. It's my transition to joy. In the beginning I thought I'd never be able to enjoy this pregnancy. I just couldn't seem to get past all the emotional turmoil and adjustments that came with this surprise baby. Then I thought I'd really never be able to truly enjoy this pregnancy, because all of a sudden we were grieving the loss of a "normal", healthy child. But sometime in the last several weeks God decided to quietly step in and usher me into this season of joy with Judah. I never saw it coming. It just kind of occurred to me one day. I was genuinely enjoying being pregnant with Judah! I was excited to feel him move so much. I was thrilled that he was getting bigger. I was loving all the attention Judah and my belly were getting from the kids. I was delighting over him with my kids when they got a chance to feel him kick or squirm. I was grabbing Jared's hand and putting it on my belly whenever I got the chance just so I could share this experience with him, and give him the opportunity to enjoy Judah with me. And here's the really amazing part: I realized that I was spending very little time thinking about the future. I was caught up in the moments I had with Judah right then...just living in that day with him. God has given me a tremendous gift! The gift of thoroughly and genuinely enjoying Judah just the way he is today!! He's safer than he'll ever be. In a couple months we'll have a lot of new things to face and work through; but today there's just Judah. God is so good. You know what's coming...this is all about Him. He's given me this joy and this gift and opportunity. He's given me this sense of peace. And He's given me confidence in Him so that I can let go of the future. Tomorrow we meet with the neurosurgeon. I'm not too sure what to expect. And I don't know if that appointment will be the beginning of a new transition...depends on the information we get I guess. Maybe this joy won't come so easily after tomorrow. It's kinda hard to imagine that, though. I love being pregnant with Judah. He's special. Nothing that doctor tells me tomorrow will change that!