for HIS glory

Did I ever mention why that phrase has become so important to us? Or that it has? So much so that that's the reason I chose to go by that "name" for this blog? That's another evidence of God's grace and work in our lives through Judah. In the dark days of waiting and wondering God impressed on us the importance of His glory. That's nothing new really; His glory and living in a way to bring Him glory has been a part of our story for the last several years...ever since Bible school when John Piper made an impact on us, I guess. Anyway, that's not the point. The point is that God brought that front and center again in this chapter of the story of our family. I'm pretty sure it was Jared who first said that God was allowing this "trial" into our lives for His glory...and that he wanted us to bring Him glory because of and through this. And I found that conviction to be so encouraging, because it reminded me that this isn't really about us. Ultimately it's about God - the One in control and orchestrating all of this - and what He will choose to do in us, through us, and for us. Regardless of the pain that Judah's condition brought, the pressure was off. When I say that now, it doesn't seem to make sense; but I really believe that choices to live like that and believe things like that about Him are just evidences that Christ is at work in us. It's not really me saying that, but Christ in me. So, as we went further with the conviction to ask God to be glorified through this no matter what, God took us to the next level. God's grace enabled me to say that I wanted glory for Him, even if that meant that Judah really wouldn't be "o.k.". If a miracle that would completely heal Judah would bring God the most glory, then that's what I want. If a little boy born with physical deformities and other special needs would bring Him the most glory, than that's what I want. On the one hand, we could share with all the hospital and medical staff we come into contact with that God performed a miracle and He is awesome and good and faithful! On the other hand, we could share with all those same people that God is awesome and good and faithful, in the midst of the pain, fear, and uncertainty that would surely come with having a little boy with special needs. What would be more powerful? What would have more impact? What would draw those lost people to God more effectively? I have no idea. I'm scared to death that it might be to have a child with special needs. But I choose to cling to the promise that God's grace will be over-abundantly sufficient for me then, too. And whomever might read this, don't for one second think that I'm so strong and my faith is so solid! I just said I'm scared to death!! Deep down I want Judah to be born "normal". But even deeper down, where Christ is most intimately acquainted with me, I want His will and His glory more. But that's Christ, not me.
As inadequately as I feel I've expressed myself here, that's about it. That's how the desire for His glory has come about because of Judah. Now that I think about it, God has already accomplished quite a bit through this little person who is still yet to be. Huh. Makes me really wonder what He has planned for the next 3 months...and years...and decades of this journey with Judah.