The wait is over!

The relief that I felt over the initial results from my amnio lasted for several days; however, by day 7 after the amnio I was starting to get antsy to know if there was some other serious problem with Judah. I was so anxious to hear some news! Not eager, anxious, because I didn't know what to expect. Would Judah walk? Would he talk? Would he ever be able to go to school? Would he be able to eat normally? Would he ever be able to understand who I was? I wanted to hope for the best, but I also wanted to prepare for the worst. Again, Christ was my only answer in and to all of this. No, I didn't know anything specifically, but I knew that God was in control. I believed (and of course still do) that God created Judah to complete our family. That he was meant to be, and he was meant to be ours. That we needed him as much as he needed us. That we had the distinct privilege to love this little boy no matter what his needs might be. But still the waiting ate at me. Some days were better than others. Some days I felt God's peace and comfort more tangibly, and I felt better able to wait patiently. Other days I was anxious and almost desperate for news. I would jump when the phone rang, and be so disappointed when it was someone else. I was on edge. The one constant throughout, though, was the prayer support we received from around the world. I'm convinced that that is what God used to hold me up and sustain me for the following 5 days before we finally got word. Well, that and the love of Jared and my family. Finally, on day 13 we got our results. I called the office to see if they had heard from the university yet. The nurse was surprised that we hadn't heard by this time. She would look into it and call me back. Five minutes later, she called with the news that Judah's chromosomes had all come back normal! Not a single abnormality!! I felt like I could fly...like I had lost 100 lbs...like I could finally take a deep breath and anticipate that someday Judah would walk and talk and know me as Mommy. Jared was there and we hugged and smiled and hugged and smiled and hugged and smiled! And then laughed!!

Since all this began, God has stretched me much. And it's hurt. It's been the worst kind of growing pains. But I can see that some good things have happened - God things. My relationship with Christ has gone deeper and become more intimate. My faith is more solid than it was a month ago. And it was solid then, but now I have new experiences to add to that; a whole new dimension even. We have been able to be an encouragement to others. We've been encouraged by so many people telling us that our testimony during this time was an encouragement or challenge to them. That still blows my mind, because I know how many times I faltered and doubted and failed during the past weeks; but God is still choosing to use me and be seen through me. That's...amazing. That's the only word I can think of for that. And that doesn't even come close to describing how I feel about that. And, finally, God has done a tremendous work in my heart concerning a baby #4. Up until my ultrasound at 20 weeks I struggled emotionally with this pregnancy. I've never struggled with something so much as I did with this huge change in plans and expectations. I prayed that God would change my heart; that all the fun, exciting, happy emotions would come. Well, He did answer my prayer...I just never dreamed it would be so dramatically or through such pain. But, I feel more passionately for this child than I did for any of the other 3. And I am so eager to meet my little boy and hold him and love him! I'm so excited to see his older brothers protect him and teach him, and his big sister "mother" him! I can't wait to see how Jared will "smack down" a little boy that is special. I'm almost counting down the days until Judah is here, and our family is whole!