Scared-to-Death-Excited

When I look back over my wonderful, amazing, adventurous, thrilling marriage to Jared I can pinpoint several times when God led us to a cliff and asked us to jump. And trust Him. At least, it felt that way. Like we were taking this huge leap into a great unknown, not at all sure what the outcome would be. Would we crash and burn or would we glide gracefully, landing on both feet? Regardless of the unknown outcome, however, we learned early on that trusting God was totally worth whatever the jump brought. We have a core belief that whatever He does is good, and His plan is perfect. He doesn't play games with us or tease us. He is faithful and He delights in us. He never leaves us, but guides us each step of the way (and only one step at a time). He is ridiculously trustworthy...even when the circumstances and possible outcomes are scary and don't make any sense to our finite minds. And, believe it or not, even in the times when we've "crashed and burned", we have seen His goodness and faithfulness, and He has taught us and changed us through those experiences. And, if I really believe that His ways and purposes are good and perfect, then there is no "crash and burn". It might feel like it. And the fear of that possibility is very real. But with Christ there is only Hope and Victory. Just not always according to my definition.

This morning we find ourselves coming to the edge of another cliff. Approaching another opportunity to take that great leap of faith, or to shrink back in fear and miss the opportunity to see Him provide in some pretty amazing ways. Our house officially went back on the market yesterday. Exciting, yes. But the really exciting part - the part that contains a huge element of scared-to-death - is that we are also in the very beginning phase of building a home. We haven't signed any papers or made any commitment yet, but we are quickly approaching the time for that. Enter the jump. My practical, safe side tells me that it's ludicrous to enter into a contract to buy a new home before you have sold your existing home. My faith-tested, walk-with-Jesus side reminds me that God can be trusted and His outcomes are only good. I learned a looong time ago that patterning my decision-making after Abraham's wife Sarah is a smart move. When her husband told her that God wanted them to pack up and move somewhere completely unknown to them, she trusted God and followed her husband. I find myself in that place with this decision to move forward to build. I'm fearful of the unknown (and I can only imagine that Sarah felt the same way), and the possibility that God's good includes not selling our house for some reason; but I can't help but be compelled to TRUST GOD and follow my husband. I might not be 100% confident that this is the move to make, but I know that God AND my husband are both trustworthy. And I believe that if God is leading my husband, then I can be confident in his decisions. So, I guess that means that when it comes time to hand over that first deposit, and then enter into that contract (should God continue to lead in that direction) I will do so confidently. I will take that great leap of faith - with that wonderful, amazing, adventurous, thrill-producing husband of mine - and anticipate eagerly what God will do. I believe that I will see Him do great things. I believe that I will have the privilege of seeing Him provide. I also believe that through this experience, this next great opportunity to trust God so hugely, I will see Him at work in our lives, and we will be better for it when we land. Safely.