What It's About

Since writing my last post and receiving some feedback, I have been dealing with a lot of fear, uncertainty, and stress over our possible build. I've been going over and over and over everything in my mind, questioning, doubting, re-questioning and then battling discouragement. Today the Lord very clearly reminded me that He does not give us a spirit of fear! OK. So. I don't really know what to do with that at the moment, except to recognize that these feelings are not from or of Him. I don't know how that changes our current situation, or any upcoming decisions, but I know intellectually that I need not be afraid. Emotionally...well, I'm always a little behind my brain there. I have found myself wanting to act or think or do good these days, because then maybe God will do... Fill in the blank. I know that's not at all how God works. His will will absolutely be accomplished regardless of how I act, think, or what I do. Funny how my own flesh plays games with me at times like this. Not funny ha ha, but funny...infuriating. I've also realized that the house stuff is inconsequential. I mean, really, any time we're faced with a major decision, the details are not what's hugely important. Yes, there are consequences to every decision that can be life-changing and lasting. What I'm getting at is the fact that when the rubber meets the road, God wants my heart and my obedience. Which, to me, makes the house stuff just...stuff. I want to follow Him. I want to serve Him. I want to give and share for Him. I want to minister and encourage for Him. I want His glory. I want His will. My prayer continues to be that God will sell our house quickly; but more importantly that His will alone will be done, and that His glory would be known to all those involved. I'm reminded again that this isn't really about me. Or us. Or our family. It's about HIM. About living and loving for Him. About being obedient to His will and whatever He wants to accomplish for His glory. A couple weeks ago we heard a message on a short passage in Romans. One of the best and most practical messages I've heard in a long time actually. Anyway, what sticks out to me is that one of the main points of the message was this: when making decisions and trying to find God's will, do whatever it is that will allow you to love God and people more and better. I wonder how that will fit into all this... I know where my heart lies on the issue, but I don't know God's yet....... I'm going to stop being afraid. I'm going to enjoy this time of intense prayer and seeking after the Lord. I'm going to revel in whatever He chooses to do. I'm going to be continually thankful. I'm going to trust Him. Completely. All in the name and power of Jesus, because I certainly can't do any of that on my own!