To Know Him...

God has changed me. My thinking, my perspective, my priorities, my desires. He's still in process - I am by no means even close to the end result of who He wants me to be - but I think I've figured out where He's taking me. Maybe. God does tend to surprise me...good surprise. I think that in all the change He's brought about in my life, even going all the way back to my pregnancy with Judah & opening a whole new world of contacts and medical relationships, God is teaching me that the most important things in this life are to know Him and make Him known. I get the "to know Him part". It's the 2nd half of that I've lost sight of. Practically speaking, in my day-to-day, how I relate to others and raise my children, how I honor Jared and show respect for his work, his passion...I was waaay off the mark. I lived under the misconception that I really was following God, because I loved Him and sought to obey Him, and was trying to raise my kids to do the same. Obviously there's a little more to my life than that, but that's a good nutshell version. I was only half right, though. I was missing such a huuuge element of this journey with Jesus! I think I "got it" back in Bible school when Jared and I were passionate about cross-cultural missions and were headed overseas. But somewhere along the line...maybe when I became a mom...my thinking started to shift and I lost sight of God's passion for others. As I look back I can see that I caught glimpses of it when I was pregnant with Judah. He reminded me that His glory is more important than anything on this earth. He created Judah for His glory, and I had the opportunity to share that with others. I think what catapulted me into an accelerated course on this subject, though, was when I finally became down right adamant - ornery even - and said "NO". When it came time to put our house on the market for the first time just 8 months ago, I was unwilling to move outside of Ralston. It wasn't even an option I would consider. Then, in less than 6 months time, God moved in my heart in such a way that I finally understood that making Him known was far more important than...anything else. More important than where I live, more important than having a husband with a 9-5 schedule, even more important than my children. This shift back into right thinking changes everything! I want my kids to understand this and develop a love for God and others that will drive them to make sacrifices for Him so that others might know Him. Like...the evenings and weekend time with Dad they sacrifice so that he can build relationships with students who don't yet know God. I want them to understand that their "job" to support Dad and have the right attitude is just as important as Dad's work, just different. Their obedience is as crucial as Dad's obedience to make Him known. I want to be involved with these students. I want to know them and pray for them. I want to spend time with them. I just got involved in the girls' life group on Tuesday nights, and it's amazing! I want to live close to these students and be accessible to them. I want to minister to my neighbors. I want to be a light to Judah's ladies and all the other people on his team.

I have a long way to go. I still struggle with so many things. I still make mistakes all the time. But I'm truly amazed at how God is changing me and how He finds me to be worth it. He wants to use me for His plans and purposes. He desires intimacy with me, but wants that to spill over into my thinking about and love for others. He's patient with me. He. Loves. Me. My response should be a no-brainer. To show that love to others in an effort to make Him known.