From the mountain back down to the valley

Overall yesterday was a very good day for Judah; however, it did end on a disappointing note. The report we got from the Neonatologist around noon was extremely positive and encouraging! She said that Judah's PPHN (the Hypertension) was no longer an issue and his lungs were finally healing very nicely! Judah's BP had remained stable, with no help from the Epi. or Dopamine for 48+ hours, and they were slowly weaning him down on the Hydro Cortisone. (He will remain on a smaller dosage to replace his Cortisol hormone, but the hormone issues are for another blog.) All of his O2 levels were looking great, and she anticipated that he would be able to come off the vent completely within the next 48 hours! And what's the real beauty (to me, anyway) of him coming off the vent? That's when I finally get to sit in the recliner in his room and "kangaroo care" my little Joey! (A baby kangaroo...ya know.) I will be able to hold him skin-to-skin for up to 4 hours!! My arms get jittery just thinking about it! The nurse explained to me that with most kids, Mom is able to hold them while they're still on the vent. But, as we all know, Judah is just extra special. Because of his cleft palate, the vent can more easily come out - he doesn't have the roof of his mouth to hold it in place. So, I'm just waiting a little longer to take that boy in my arms and...breathe the hugest sigh of relief ever!!! The disappointment came later in the day when the dr. called us at home with an update. Ever since Judah came off the oscillator he's been tremoring. What they thought at first was just jitters from him coming off of it, the dr. later determined were quite possibly small seizures. They don't know why. Could be an infection introduced somehow through his cord tubing, catheter, or vent tubing. Could be due to the enlargement of his ventricles putting pressure on something in his brain. Could be because he's still just a sick little boy...on many levels. They gave him a seizure medication last night that also heavily sedated him. It was sad to see him not moving again. But the seizing stopped. So, they don't know if that's because it is seizures, or because he was just so sedated. Gr. As I write this Judah is getting his MRI...maybe that will solve this puzzle. The rest of his day includes the Urologist's dye test in his bladder and the removal of his cord tubing...which will then mean an increase in breast milk feeds:) A big day for such a tiny cub. But he's our champ. He's hanging in there. And I continue to hold on to - cling desperately, really - the image of Jesus holding my baby when I can't. I tell him that all the time. "Jesus is holding you, Judah, even when Mommy and Daddy can't."