Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Gr
I feel like he's never gonna get home. I'm discouraged and frustrated. Judah isn't doing as well as we thought. He loves nursing. He prefers the breast to the bottle, and actually does better there. Of course that's huge and wonderful and I'm very thankful. But as good as his latch and suck are, he's not getting much from either, and he still tires out quickly. I looove holding him close and nursing him, bonding with him in the way that only I can...but I'm so discouraged that he's not able to get what he needs from me. The lactation specialist thinks he just needs time...time to gain more strength and stamina. The dr. is still satisfied with where he's at, and not concerned about anything. But time? More time? Every day apart from him seems like an eternity; how can I not feel the way I do about more time? Building my entire schedule around the pump and runs to the hospital...I'm so weary of this. Verses come to mind...but they don't provide physical strength, energy, or stamina. How will God's grace see me through the rest of today? I believe that it will, but how? I'm eager to go back to the hospital tonight and spend more time with Judah; but I can't help but wonder how many more nights...and will they ever end?
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Hang in there, momma. I'm praying for you!
ReplyDeleteI know these feelings... I know them full well, it was by far the hardest time in my life, and honestly it felt like NO one understood, and NO one could do my job at the NICU... the pumping the running etc.it was all me so all that said...you can do it, you are doing it! Just when it seems it never is going to end....it will! That is the beauty of the NICU just when it seems there is no end in sight they turn a corner....I know that you have seen it before! Please know that I am in the trenches with you, praying praying praying! Jesus knows your sorrow, all the fears and frustrations....and as much as it does not feel like it....HE IS SUSTAINING you!!! Dearly loved one.....Natalie (from a million miles away)
ReplyDeleteI am drawn to a song by Pam Thumb that use to help me get through my difficult times with Christopher. (and I still listen to it, because there are days that I still ask, "Why?")
ReplyDelete"Life is hard but God is good. HE never said it would be easy just that we would never be alone."
Hang in there. Just hold onto the thought that SOON Judah will be home with you and your family.
prayers continue for you...
God's love and mine,
Diane Rice
Take a look back to see how far Judah has come in such a short period of time, God's miracles happening one after another... that would tire anyone out (you included). The emotional and physical drain/strain are real, and there no replacement for you. One thing that can help, taking in the joy of your baby, your miracle baby. I know you do this... keep hanging on.
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