The results are in!

 Well, one of my biggest prayers from the testing last week was that there would be conclusive results so we would know what we're dealing with. We got a little bit of a mixed bag of results, but there was 1 for sure finding: there is a blockage of some kind. 

The next step is a scope in June. Thankfully he'll be under general anesthesia for that. What happens immediately after that depends on what they do or do not see on that scope. A repair surgery is possible, but there are also a couple other options on the table. We just won't know for sure until they're in there. 

Big picture: Judah's left kidney currently functions at 23%, with the duplicated right side functioning at the remaining 77%. The blockage is effecting his right side, and could ultimately impact its ability to function as well as it is. So, the priority is to do whatever we can to protect that right side so it can remain as healthy as possible. 

As you pray for upcoming "nexts", keep this big picture in mind, and pray for wisdom and discernment for Jared and I as we make decisions. Also, pray that the dr. will see a clear obstruction with the scope on the 14th. This would change what happens next and actually simplify things for Judah. That being said, you can also pray that God would simply have His way, and that we would trust Him to walk with us regardless of the scope findings. 

Thank you all so much for praying with us for Judah, and for praying for us! I believe that your prayers for Jared and I last week had so much to do with our ability to remain calm and experience peace. And that, of course, translated directly to Jude. 

My natural reaction is to want to run in the opposite direction and protect Judah from anything and everything that will hurt. But God is faithful to remind me that it's in the midst of what hurts that we experience moments of deepest imtimacy with Him. And those are the moments that I crave. It's an uncomfortable tension to live with, this desire to run but to also experience more of Jesus. The challenge is to lean into what is hard and just trust Jesus. So, here we go, pressing on to the "nexts"! 

From the Living Room

Praise. The. LORD! Holy cow, what a totally different experience from 4 years ago! You guys, I am giddy excited about how this morning went! 

No problems with the anesthesia, 1st test, or what needed to be inserted for the 2nd. Actually, Judah's Australian anesthesiologist had quite a lovely exchange with him about all things Australia. And are we surprised? Ah, no. 

He had a hard time waking up, but nothing out of the ordinary for him. It's always hard to see him be sad and uncomfortable, but snuggles from Mom usually do the trick.

Once we moved to the next room amd transitioned to the table, Judah calmed down quickly. I'm so thankful that he had residual sleepiness - that really helped! He held my hand the whole time, but he was relaxed and held still on the table for just over an hour! The docs got almost everything they wanted to get today - a HUGE win! His Child Life Specialist was amazing! She played country music from her iPad and engaged Judah in conversation right away. Ezra's sports, country music, and cowboy boots. Eli's college and visiting him. Puppies, therapy dogs, NICU babies, K-LOVE, Chic-Fil-A, Charlie & Ollie, chickens, living on a farm, Cat in the Hat, chocolate chip cookies, wanting to be a doctor, and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse are the topics I can remember. Haha! I LOVE listening to Judah talk to people! When we were completely done, off the table, stickers off, ready to go, she surprised Judah with a Chic-Fil-A giftcard and thanked him for doing such great work today. That was the best! We left the building with smiles all around!

We are very happy to be home with Charlie and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. We'll know something in a couple days. And then we'll see what's next. 

Again, THANK YOU for praying today! You guys are a gift to us!

From the Waiting Room

 I have written so many posts from this room. Some weightier than others. Thank You, Jesus that today's wait is not a long, heavy one.

As usual, the Children's staff killed it. They are so kind and compassionate, so careful with Judah, knowing how anxious he is. Everyone's ducks are in a row, and he's currently getting his anesthesia and 1st round of testing. He was either on my lap or holding my hand since arriving at 6 this morning, and he cried when it was time to let go and move to another bed to go back. That was hard. I got super close, looked into his eyes, and reminded him that when Mom and Dad can't be there Jesus is with him, holding him all the time. Jared prayed with him, kisses, and that was that. 

We've done anesthesia over 20 times, and that goodbye never gets easier. But trusting the One Who Sees has, so at least it's gotten easier to get past the goodbye and wait. 

I'll keep everyone posted. I don't anticipate any hiccups with this part of the morning. The difficult part could come when it's time for his 2nd test and he has to be awake. 

Please pray that the Lord would flood Judah with warmth and peace, and a sense of His presence, so that Judah will remain calm and relaxed on the table for all of the imaging. Pray that anxiety won't take hold, so that his body can function during imaging, and the docs can see what they need to. 

I have to say, I am overwhelmed by the amount of texts and messages Jared and I have gotten this morning! I realize that in the grand scheme of things, our time at Children's this morning is not a huge deal. We've experienced much bigger deal, scarier days. But the fact that so many of you are willing to carry our burdens for Judah with us, pray for him and for us, feel the weight of our concern for him and his anxiety - all of it. Guys, thank you! Thank you, Family. Thank you, Friends. Thank you, Church. Thank you, Miss Leamon's class all the way in Hungary! I'm humbled, again, to experience this community and the power of prayer! 

Love you guys! 

Here we go again...

 In the last 4 years or so I have said no to a lot of medical things for Judah. Primarily the more invasive tests/procedures, but also major ortho/dental work and things like that. Judah deals with a lot of medical trauma and anxiety, and he needed an extended period of time with only easy and positive experiences. Lots of successes. Minus the lab, of course, but he did have a major victory there last month so can I get a HALLELUJAH! 

In the last 18 months his kidney function has declined, and because of his kidney disease and poor health in that entire area of his body, we need to do something about it. On May 11 Judah will undergo 2 tests/1 procedure, 1 of which will happen in the OR so he can be asleep for it. Because his mama wasn't having it any other way on this one. And the other one will happen upstairs in Urology after he's awake. Without going into detail about what these urology tests entail, I will say that they are invasive, uncomfortable, and the times he's had these in years past have been largely unsuccessful and traumatic. For both of us quite honestly. However, it appears that either Judah's kidney reflux is back, or there is an obstruction. We've gotta know what's happening in there so it can be addressed and his chronic kidney disease can be maintained at a Stage 2. 

I would be lying if I said I felt totally fine with this and confident that everything was going to go well. Thanks to my time with Fresh Start a year and a half ago, I'm able to recognize the anxiety I'm feeling that's rooted in past trauma. I can call it out for what it is, and lean into Jesus and deal with it. It's really hard, and those old feelings of fear are very real. 

We haven't told Judah yet about his upcoming appointment.. We've learned that he does better when he doesn't have a lot of time to dwell on something. But it also helps when we have time to talk through something a few times before it happends. So there's a sweet spot there of not too soon but not too late.

I'm praying for Judah's heart. I'm asking the Lord to prepare his heart for what's coming, but also to give him peace and a very real assurance that Jesus is with him, and it will be ok. I'm praying that he will be calm, and that he won't experience the normal amount of fear and anxiety. I'm also praying that these 2 tests will go as quickly and smoothly as possible, and that they will be successful, giving the doctors the information they need. 

And, of course, I'm spending time with Jesus for my own self. I don't want even the tiniest bit of my own anxiety to be communicated in any way to Judah, so I'm trusting God to walk me through dealing with that, and I'm trusting Him to completely take the anxiety and fear on that day and replace it with peace and confidence in God's care for Judah. 

I'm reminding myself that regardless of how this visit goes, even if the worst happens, that doesn't mean that God abandoned him. Or me. It wouldn't make God any less good or kind. He is exactly who He says He is - Judah's Provider, Rescuer, Comforter, Great Physician, Redeemer, and Abba. I know that He's mine, too.

Will you pray with me in preparation for this day? For any or all of these things I've mentioned? I am so thankful for a community of people, near and far, who love and support us so well. Thank you!