*God, can I really handle this?
*Did You really equip me for this?
I've been thinking a lot about what this new medication is going to do for Judah. What it will mean for him to begin growing, and at an almost-alarming rate. I was initially excited about it. I still am, I guess. But reality, another new one, is slowly sinking in. Judah will be going through a dramatic change over the next year. This whole last year he virtually stayed the same in size, except for his weight:) But I've gotten so used to him just being small. That's who he has been. "Little Baby Judy". I have to say good-bye to that. The other part of this new reality is his "specialness" becoming more noticeable. Conspicuous. Obvious. As long as nobody asks how old Judah is, they just happily assume he's an adorable infant. Except for the NG, no one passing us in the store, or peeking at him momentarily, would know that there's anything "wrong". That's going to change. He's going to start getting bigger and bigger, closer and closer to matching his actual age, and it's going to get more and more obvious that he his not "normal". Oh my word, I feel guilty for even thinking stuff like this! It doesn't matter! None of this matters. I don't care what he looks like, or what he can or cannot do! I don't care what anyone else thinks! Do I? Well, actually, I do. I care that people not judge him, but accept him and love him for the amazing little miracle boy that he is! I don't want to pass people staring at him in the store, wondering what's wrong with that boy. We live in a society so obsessed with outward appearance and performance. Argh! These are just some of the thoughts that have been swirling around in my head as we have approached this day...finally. It's a good day. It really is. This is so good for Judah. This is God's good for him! But it's a day that will bring about change. And, if you know me at all, you know I. Hate. Change. Well, I think God's been working on me in that area, so I think I can honestly say I. Strongly Dislike. Change.
Thanks for praying for me in all of this. A thought struck me just last night, and literally stopped me in my tracks. I really believe that there are people - or even just one person - that pray for me and/or Judah and/or our family every single day. That's amazing. That's encouraging. That piece of knowledge is life-giving.
I'll be back. Hopefully not too long after we meet with the nurse. I'm sure I'll have lots more to say!