Swallow Study

This morning Judah had his deglutition - or swallow study for all of us normal, non-medical people:) This test was much better than the UGI from last week; however, that barium is nasty no matter how you give it, breastmilk and all! It confirmed that Judah is aspirating, and that is what the spot on his lung is - milk. He was even aspirating when they gave him the milk thickened to a nectar thickness, which is what we've been doing for the last 11 days. So, the immediate "fix" is thickening his milk and formula to a honey thickness. Ya, that's thick. That's also somewhat of a problem. It complicates the "system" that his special bottle uses. Jared & I now need more patience as we feed him. It takes longer, it's messy, and Judah is trying to get the timing of breathing & swallowing down with this consistency, meaning we get sprayed from his nose regularly! [I must say, though, that thickening his liquid has drastically improved his reflux - thank You, Jesus!!] We go back to Childrens for a Feeding Evaluation next week. I'll also be hearing from his pulmonologist next week (probably) about what he wants to do next. I'm anticipating that he and the ENT will want to do the scope to see why his anatomy (epiglottis primarily) is not working properly, causing the aspiration. But we'll see. Hopefully this honey thickness will do the trick for now, and he will no longer "feed his lungs".

Other than all this feeding drama... Judah's been doing great! He's so smiley and content to let anybody hold him. He definitely lets you know when he wants Mom back, though! As soon as I put him down on the floor or bed he's reaching for his toes and rolling from side to side. I'm so proud of him! Our new goal is to roll over before little cousin Avery;) Lately I've been trying to consciously take time to just enjoy Judah. Not think about therapeutic play, or what appointment is next...just play and enjoy him for who he is. He's so jolly and rewards the least of my efforts with big smiles & giggles. I'm so thankful for this precious little one that God entrusted to us. I'm humbled that God would create a little person so uniquely knit together, and then give him to me! I'm so inadequate, but reminded again and again that God has equipped me to do what He has called me to do. It's Christ in me that can walk in faith, seeing God accomplish and perform what He will in Judah's life, and in mine & my family's. This is so hard. Every day there's HARD, BUT GOD... Again I praise Him for His lovingkindness, His faithfulness, His grace, and His compassion.

My cousin, whom I love dearly & adore completely, sent me a letter today with a sweet interpretation of Psalm 50. David basically pours his heart out about his failures & what he's struggling with, how hard it is & how horrible it feels, and then he goes into his BUT GOD...

"And yet, O Lord, You have surrounded my life like a great fortress. There is nothing that can touch me save by Your loving permission. My faith will falter at times, but You will never fail me. Teach me, O God, how to live by Your Word and promises, to sing Your praises, to carry on within Your purposes in spite of these taunting, tempting enemies of my soul." [emphasis mine]