To the Man of My Dreams

Jared,

Today didn't turn out the way we planned. It wasn't what we hoped it would be. We've learned a lot about that recently. That things don't often go our way...BUT GOD is trustworthy and His ways are better. Perfect. There is one thing that must go according to plan, however. I cannot end this day without telling you, without attempting to tell you how I feel about you.

When we got married 11 years ago, I thought I knew what love was. I thought I could love you the way a wife is supposed to love her husband. I thought I could serve and obey you. Follow you. I thought it would be easy because I was so in love with you! Jared, I was so wrong. Yes, I loved you; but it was with a selfish, immature, romantic kind of love that blinded me to how challenging marriage can be. I was ready to commit to you for the rest of my life; but I didn't understand what it would mean to love you for the rest of my life. I know you think you were immature back then, too, and in some ways you were. But in the last 11 years, more than anything else, you have taught me how to love. Because you LOVE me. Sometimes you have used words to communicate with me how you've needed to be loved. But when I think about who you are as my husband, my best friend, my earthly protector and provider, I think about all the ways you have shown love to me. Your examples of consistent servant hood and sacrifice; your faithfulness to me not only physically, but also in your thoughts and emotions; your willingness to partner with me in raising our children and managing our home; your affection for me; your pride in me and commitment to build me up in front of others; your faithful letters; your patience and compassion; your passion to know who God is, to serve Him wholeheartedly, and to see me follow that same lifestyle of intimate relationship with Him - these are the ways in which you have taught me to love. You love me so completely, so selflessly, that there's nothing else for me to do but to desire to love you better, as well as the God who has enabled you to love so like He does.

Jared, I know that I don't love you like I should. I fail miserably because I am selfish. Because I try to love you out of what I have left over, rather than out of the abundance that is mine because of Christ. Honey, I'm sorry. Forgive me for putting myself first. For choosing to meet the kids' needs often above yours. Forgive me for not giving you the very best of myself. You are truly an extraordinary man, and I often feel like I don't give you nearly what you deserve! Of course, then I'm reminded of how much salt and spice I've added to your previously dull, quiet, "good", hopelessly boring life...and then I don't feel quite so bad. *wink wink*

Honey, on this anniversary, having 11 years of real love tutoring under my belt, knowing what true love is, I commit to love you better. I desire to love you in the ways you need to be loved, and to be faithful and consistent in showing you love. I desire to serve you better and to show you love by showing you respect. I want you to know that I do respect you. But I know that I don't show it often enough, and that I frequently disrespect you, even when I don't mean to. I commit my life to you again. I will follow you, be faithful to you, and be by your side - your biggest fan, your best friend - for the rest of my life. You're it. There's nobody else. There never really was. Once I fell for you, there was no getting back up. Even when I tried to convince myself that I could get over you, I was deceiving myself. And anyway, with that red hair and all those kids you gave me, your job security is solid.

Jared, God has given us a life together that is so full and rich. Not "pleasant", but so much more than that. So full of God's grace and faithfulness. Full of His provision. He's added so much depth and intimacy to our relationships with each other and with Him. He's taught us how to trust Him with the small things, but also with our most priceless treasures. He's carried us through storms, pain and heartbreak I never thought possible. He's refined us and changed us, and drawn us closer to Him and each other. We are not the man and woman we were 11 years ago. I am the woman I could never be without you.

Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for letting me journey right alongside you; not in front or behind. Thank you for allowing me to be the woman God destined for me to be, and for pushing me to keep pursuing Him and His plan for me. Thank you for loving me to my very core; battle scars, wounds, imperfections, willful rebellious attitudes and all. Thank you for allowing me to be different from you. Thank you for encouraging me and building me up. Thank you for doing everything within your power to truly understand me. Thank you for choosing to look past my mistakes and unintentional failures, because you know my heart. Thank you for making me feel beautiful every single day. Thank you for treating me like a woman, for caring for me and being a gentleman. Thank you for seeing in me what others won't, don't, or can't. Thank you for always being on my team. Thank you for giving your whole self to me.

Honey, I can't wait for the rest of our lives together. I know that there will be pain and uncertainty. I know that there will be fights and hurt feelings. But you are the one for me. God made us for each other. With Him before me and you beside me how could life be anything but truly good?

I love you.

ylw