After asking questions, talking through different scenarios, seeking out trusted advice, and praying together, we've decided to pursue these steps that will hopefully get him home today. I would be lying if I said I was 1000% confident that this is the right thing to do and that I have zero concerns about it. I'm scared. I'm scared that he'll be in a lot of pain. I'm scared to take him home with this major abdominal incision that's still so new. (I'm sure you mamas out there that have had cesarians can relate.) I'm scared of getting behind the pain, and then having to play catch up while he's the one that suffers. I'm concerned about the potential side effects of a new med. And how effective the alternatives might be, or what side effects they might carry. Obviously I'm not done having conversations with God about my own trust issues here. Intellectually I absolutely believe that He is at work, He is Judah's Healer, He is completely trustworthy and completely ENOUGH for Judah, and He is in control. But anytime we face an unknown with Judah my Mama Bear goes into hyperdrive and I have a hard time getting what I know in my head to completely saturate my heart. You'd think after 6 years I would be a little better at this. Well, maybe I am. But I'm certainly not as far along in this part of my faith journey as I would like to be. Makes me glad that God doesn't let me stay the same.
So, as I pursue God and His Truth this morning, I will also be thanking Him for all of your prayers for Judah's continued healing and wisdom for us. Seriously, I am SO THANKFUL that we don't walk this road alone! Our support system is ridiculous! I often "brag" about our church family and the incredibly unique community we experience with them, as well as the amazingly supportive community of people I've found through my new job...not to mention our YFC community. We're surrounded!
Haha! Jared just said he can't wait to see what I'm writing. This was supposed to be a quick update! Tell that to my fingers;) It feels so good to be writing again.