Monday, March 16, 2015

From the Waiting Room I

The last 2 years have been pretty quiet for Judah. No major surgeries, no major illnesses. Aside from health maintenance and minor procedures, it's been a time of huge growth and development for him. Jared & I have enjoyed every victory, no matter how small: every new discovery, every goal met, every new accomplishment...every new word or funny thing he said...every new dance move...every time he's tried to imitate his older brothers, however unsuccessfully...every moment spent in pretend play with his sister...every new day in Kindergarten...every snuggle with Ollie...we're thankful for every day that we get to experience life through his eyes, energy, enthusiasm, and love for the little things. He is one incredible kid, and we are so thankful for these last 2 years God has given him to just rest. 

Today we start another chapter. Over the last few days, as I've anticipated this surgery, I have found myself slipping back into "Dr. Mom" mode. It's kind of weird. I mean, in every appt., every minor procedure, every medical thing there is an element of Dr. Mom present. But when something this big hits I definitely find myself looking at the situation - asking questions, gathering information - from that perspective in an effort to protect my heart and my mind. 5 hours in surgery. A complex surgery. One that the dr. can't fully explain what he's going to be doing, because he has to get in there first to see just what things look like. I've sent Judah down that hallway to the OR over 20 times. I fight tears every. single. time. 

I said we start a new chapter today. We do. Judah will finally be able to start moving forward towards healthier urinary and renal function. These repairs will prevent his kidney disease from worsening for a time. This surgery is a very good thing! Within the next 3 months we should be able to get rid of a medication; and we're anticipating that within the next year or so he'll finally be ready to toilet train. All good things. A fresh start in this part of his body. 

And is hard to let go and trust. I have to remind myself so often that Judah isn't really mine. He - every one of my kids - is a gift from God Himself that I have chosen to give back to Him, trusting Him to have His good and perfect way with them, whatever that might mean. I remind myself that Judah is not in the hands of the surgeon, the anesthesiologist, or the nurses. He is in the hands of the Healer. Always. I tell Judah a lot that Jesus is always holding him, especially when Mommy or Daddy can't. It's a truth I need to hear, too. 

Funny, I wrote that and received a text just a few seconds later that included these words:
"Jesus loves little Judah with a tenderness and passion that cannot be equaled. Jesus is there in the operating room with Judah...taking care of [him] in the amazing and beautiful manner only Jesus can achieve." I never cease to be amazed and humbled by God's infintely tender care for me and for us. In the hardest and scariest moments of Judah's (and my) life He has proven Himself wholly trustworthy, unconditionally faithful, and ridiculously gentle. His lovingkindness never fails.

Just got an update from the liasion. Everything is going as planned up to this point. Thanks so much for praying and supporting us in so many different ways! 

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