Focus!

Wednesday was good for me. It's been a really hard, long week. I've had a lot on my mind and rolling around in my head. I've not known where to go with all this that I've been dealing with...or how to deal with it. I think that talking to Jared (or blowing up at Jared as the case may be) will help. I think that eating chocolate will help. I think that reading a book or watching t.v. or taking a nap will help (ya, good luck with that one). I think that desperate cries for help will...help. But it seems like the healing really begins when I sit down to write, and God draws my focus back to Him. That's what happened on Wednesday. After a day from hell on Monday (yes, I really said that) and a day that was only a little better on Tuesday, I finally made the time to write on Wednesday. Since then God has brought 5 things back into focus for me. 1. There are a lot of moms who have special kids and husbands, who may not be in full-time ministry, but their jobs or businesses keep them away from home just as much or more. I am not alone. 2. I have a lot of family, through blood and/or Christ, who are diligently praying for me and loving me. They are personally invested in my life, Jared's life, Judah's life, and this journey we are all on together. I am not alone. 3. Regardless of my circumstances, there are others who are experiencing pain and grief that far exceed mine. Yes, my experience is very real and painful and unique to me; and I need to face this pain and experience it to the fullest. But grief is not unique to me. There is a whole world of pain outside my own little world of pain, and stepping outside into that world, focusing on others and encouraging them, is also a necessary part of this journey. I am not alone. 4. I really do have a phenomenal husband. He has a love and passion for me and our children that is second only to his love and passion for Christ. He has a love and passion for students that draws them to himself and points them to Christ. He desires to know God more. He desires to effectively love and minister to me and our kids. He is a leader through servant hood. This pain and frustration is his just as much as it is mine. I love him. I am not alone. 5. Regardless of what my condition looks like, my position in Christ is firm and unshakable. Regardless of how ugly my condition is, when God looks at me He sees His beautiful Son and His finished work on the Cross. My position in Christ means that God delights in me and loves to bless me. I am His child. He delights in and blesses me as His child the way I do in my children...only on a scale of much, much greater magnitude!! Regardless of how I fail in my condition, He meets me where I am at and gives me HIS good. [In just a week's time God gave my kids a HUGE wooden play set, and provided a van for our family.] I am definitely not alone!

It's been a looong, hard week; but at the end of it, I have to say that it has been quite productive, and God has been at work in me. He is good. His grace is sufficient.