Judah was doing fine, but this morning woke up with a temp of 103.5. We were at the pediatrician's office before 10, and admitted at Children's around 11:30. The afternoon is kind of a blur. His fever had gone down with Tylenol earlier in the day, but crept up quickly after noon. He became lethargic, sleeping through everything: straight cath., IV, blood draws. I was sad that he was obviously so sick with a fever, but thankful that he didn't really know what was going on. Finally his bloodwork came back, and the docs had a scare when they saw that his blood sugar had almost bottomed out at 31. They got glucose from the crash cart, gave him another stress dose of his steroids, and waited. He responded quickly. At the same time, his blood pressure was dropping a little. There was some concern that he might end up downstairs in the PICU, but he pulled through. He's not completely out of the woods yet, but so far so good.
The blood and urine cultures aren't back yet, but we know it's bacterial, and the suspicion is that we're dealing with another kidney infection. He has another renal ultrasound tomorrow, and he's started on 2 IV antibiotics. We'll be here through the week...possibly into next week. It just depends on how he does and what happens.
Emotionally...I'm doing OK. Right now. I was close to tears a couple times today, but when I look back on the day I see how faithful the Lord was to gently carry me through. This is silly, but I almost cried on the way to the hospital when I realized that I was going to miss lunch. Enter Jared. He met Lydia, Judah, and me at check-in carrying 2 McDonald's bags. One with a burger and fries, the other with a caramel frappe. He thoroughly impressed all the ladies behind the desks! And his tenderness and thoughtfulness spoke to my heart.
I also had the opportunity to tell the Hospitalist that one of my core beliefs about God is that He is always good, He only does good, and somehow this is part of His perfect plan for Judah. Even though I don't understand it. Sharing that was such a cool moment for me, because my words usually fail me. Or they come out all wrong and awkward. This moment was so the Lord. It was a very cool conversation. It was real, and I appreciated the fact that the dr. talked to me on a personal level, sharing his own frustration on Judah's behalf.
Spiritually, I'm stretching. God has been using His Word, girlfriends, and circumstances to remind me over and over that my life, this life and what happens in it - everything - is for His glory. I've been thinking about Paul lately. I can't understand how he so thoroughly grasped this truth! His attitude throughout his various trials and sufferings always pointed to Christ, and he was humbled to be able to suffer for Him! I'm not walking nearly the same road, and yet I don't come close to mirroring this attitude. It's definitely difficult to watch your child suffer - I so want it to be me instead - but there still has to be a way to get to the place of humbly accepting every trial that comes, thanking Him, seeking His glory, and not allowing it to devastate you every time. I just don't know how to get there. I believe that God guides our steps and ordains our days according to His plans and purposes, and for His glory. I just don't know how to reconcile that with my very human, very strong emotions.
Ya, so...we're here again, and I don't know if I can do this again. But I'm keeping Psalm 103:1-5, 13-14 and Jeremiah 31:3 at the forefront of my mind. I'm cuddling with Judah A LOT. I'm trying to let go of my pride as we ask friends for help...again; and trying to somehow maintain a praise-filled, thankful attitude.
Just got off the phone with my mom. We had some awesome church! I'm so thankful for that woman and how God has chosen to knit our hearts together. She is such a huge encouragement to me, and I'm so proud of the woman that she is and is becoming!
This post feels very discombobulated, but I guess that's just how I'm kinda feeling. I have all kinds of thoughts flying around in my brain, along with new medical information, and another loss of good plans for me and my family. I should probably go to bed. Lab will be here by 6:30 tomorrow morning, and 6:30 is just around the corner.
Please pray for:
Judah's health, and wisdom for the docs as they treat him.
My heart, and wisdom for me as I advocate and ask questions.
Jared as he holds down the fort.
The kids as they adjust to another bump in the road. Lydia is struggling the most, wanting to cling to Mommy, but settling for clinging to Daddy. And Daddy has to get some work done!
GOD.IS.GOOD.
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