Psalm 31:3

For You are my rock and my fortress; For Your name's sake You will lead me and guide me.

While reading that Psalm this morning, I was struck by the statement in that verse. God doesn't do what He does in my life for my sake, but for His. I have the privilege of being the recipient of much because of what He does and allows; but it's really for His sake, His glory. And that others might know Him. I needed that this morning, because yesterday I was angry with Him, questioning Him. I nailed the whole "Why me" mentality...and a wide range of other emotions.

Backing up a little...

Judah had been a little "off" for a few days. Nothing I was concerned about until he got a low grade fever on Thursday. We were in the ER Thursday evening, at the pediatrician's Friday morning, and finally admitted Saturday morning. Judah has some kind of fungal infection. When he was admitted they were talking 5-7 days and an anti-fungal medication that would make him really sick. Instead, Infectious Disease decided to use the drug with a lesser potency and are talking a couple days. Judah is doing well, even having improved since yesterday. He was never very sick - praise Jesus - but he's definitely doing better since starting the IV medication. Knowing his body's "aversion" to IVs, the ID doctor has a plan for when he loses this IV, and he'll be able to start oral drugs. So, what I thought was going to be a long, horrible week is turning out

to be...not. I'm so beyond thankful. I really struggled yesterday. Discouragement, anger, frustration, defeat, sadness, all vying for the upper hand in my heart that was desperately trying to hear and feel Truth.

This stay has been different. There were no open rooms on the 4th floor. I seriously almost lost it on the elevator when the admit person hit "5". Seriously. In that moment I did not think I could emotionally handle that change. Somehow God held me together and I managed to get off on 5th floor in one dry-eyed piece. They didn't have a room ready for us yet, so we had to wait in the treatment room...for 5 hours. So not my idea of a good time. This time the IV only took 2 pokes. They called in a couple PICU nurses for the 2nd one. Judah knows. He's on edge when

we're here, and anytime they make him lie down now he freaks out. He's angry and scared and hurting, and it's extremely difficult to watch. I feel so helpless to comfort him in those times. He's jolly and flirty and darling in between times, but he knows...

I would appreciate prayer for a few specific things:

- That Judah will be well and discharged by Tuesday.

- That he will remain healthy between now and October 10, the day of his next scheduled super-surgery.

-That he will recover completely and quickly from that surgery, and that he can stay far away from here for a long, long, time!

As an aside...

I have to mention that this post is the very first one on my new computer!!! We have been having some problems with our other computer, and Jared finally decided that the best thing was to buy a brand new one. He surprised me with it this morning! It's a sleek little laptop and I love it! And I love that computers are not nearly as expensive as they were the last time we bought a brand new one in December of '01. I'm so, so, so thankful!!! I can't wait to surprise Grandma & Grandpa with a call on Skype later today now that we have a webcam...assuming they don't see this first. Well, just in case... SURPRISE!!!

We got orders to leave the floor and went outside right away this morning.

Dr. D. just left the room. He's been by to see Judah twice this weekend. I appreciate and respect and admire that doctor more and more. Our professional relationship has gotten better and better, but we've also added a personal side to it that continues to develop. It's built on mutual respect and admiration, but also some humor and lightheartedness. I told him that sometimes being in the hospital with Judah is almost vacation-esque because of all the quiet and the time I have to think and read and write. On his way out he told me when I get published to let him know. That made me laugh. I told him he might not want to know because he's in it! That made him laugh, and he said he's sure it's all good things. Ha! I assured him that it is all good:)