Hmmm...

I find it interesting that right after I write a post about needing people and desiring to live a life of weakness and surrender before the Lord, Judah is admitted for another serious infection. The night that I brought him in I was lonely, wishing Jared could be with me. We didn't have a stellar experience in the ER, and I was beyond exhausted. I was scared and frustrated and confused. I felt mentally, emotionally and physically weak, and I remembered what I had just written about that. That caused me to cry out to the Lord, admitting my weakness and fear and falling on His grace. He was right there with me, and I felt like I fell into His arms. It's not like He takes away all those feelings and I'm left instantly re-energized and ready to tackle the world - or the next diagnosis. But there is definitely a sense of His peace. A sigh of relief. The feeling of a shared burden being lifted. A sense of relaxation and letting go because I'm not in control or responsible for any outcome. I'm getting emotional now as I think about how good God is as He meets my needs in every situation. Not like a roaring lion, powerful and overwhelming; but more like the gentle, reassuring whisper of a best friend. I just know He's there. I'm choosing to keep thoughts like these at the forefront of my mind as this stay here continues.

I don't believe we'll be going home today as the dr. had at first hoped. Judah keeps spiking high fevers, and the root of that is unknown at this point. The dr. speculates that there's something else involved here that is resistant to the injectable antibiotics he's on. I anticipate the need for an IV today. I pray I'm wrong. He had a renal ultrasound this morning to rule out some other unpleasant possibilities. It's weird to think that he went 2 years without any kind of infection, given how unhealthy his kidneys really are, and then gets nailed with 2 just a month apart. I'm so thankful for the nurses on this floor. They know us, we know them. We know the routine around here. They know I'm capable and assertive. We have a mutual respect and appreciation for each other. Jared and I make a lot of jokes like "You know you've been here too often when..." and "We'll have to remember that for next time...wink wink." Sometimes if you don't laugh, you'll end up in a weepy heap on the floor. We got permission to take Judah off the floor last night, so we took him and Lydia for a wagon ride down in the lobby where they have some fun things to look at. He loved it! When he's not feverish he's happy and playful. Jared and Lydia are at church. I miss it. I'm hungry for the truth statement for this week. Last week's was going to be "Hardship produces faith", but our youth pastor that was going to teach on that was out with a kidney stone. Kind of ironic. Instead, we had a powerful morning of worship. It was awesome! I've carried that truth statement with me all week, and I'm eager to know what this week's is.

Mom & Dad are probably about halfway to Omaha. The Boys had a fantastic week of "Grandma/Grandpa Camp", and were so excited to have me, Lydia, and Judah join them there for this next week while Jared was going to be at YFC Camp. It was going to be a hard week without my Love, but a more restful week. I was looking forward to time with my sisters and their kids, time with my mentor, time with my parents. The Boys were so sad that I wasn't coming yesterday, because they miss us and they were looking forward to another week of fun! It helped when I told them that we would all have dinner together, whether here or at home, and that Dad had decided to stay home from camp so that he could take care of all of us. I love that man. I can't wait to see my boys! I miss them when they're gone. A LOT.

Keep praying. Judah won't get well until we know exactly what we're dealing with and how to treat it. Thanks everyone!