"What if..."

I was cuddling with Judah last night, just enjoying looking at him. I do that a lot. Sometimes I can't seem to get enough of him. I have felt that way about all my babies...of course, Judah has been a baby baby much longer than the other 3 were. Anyway, I got to thinking about how different Judah is...differently-abled, "special", not normal. I don't usually think of him that way. He's Judah, my darling boy. But every once in awhile I let myself think about, wonder about, the "what if". What if Judah had been born "normal". His life, our lives, would be so different! He would probably be walking by now, trying to keep up with his brothers. He would be so big! He would be saying his first words. He would be climbing on things, causing mischief, and messing up his siblings' rooms. He would still be nursing. His life would be so simple. No doctors or procedures or medication. Any time I have thoughts like this I start to feel a little guilty. Is it ok to wonder about these things? To think about what life might have been like? To...wish...even? I can't believe I just wrote that. But it's the truth. As I thought through some of these things last night God brought something to mind that I haven't thought of before. At least not quite in this way. These thoughts and feelings, wonderings, are evidence that we live in a fallen world; but we were created for eternity, and that's what we long for. A perfect eternity. As long as I remember that and turn my eyes to Jesus and the future hope that is ours, then I think it's ok to wonder sometimes. We're supposed to have a heavenly perspective. And thinking about how tough things are for Judah definitely makes me long for Heaven. When I think about these things, in the end, I still wouldn't change Judah for anything! He is exactly the little person that God created him to be. And God designed each of us, all 6 of us, to fit perfectly together as a family. Come to think of it, if Judah wasn't sick, we would all be different. Would I really want to change who I have become, and who Christ is making me to be? I've learned so much...Jared has, and I know our kids will continue to grow to be different people from whom they otherwise would have been. So, no, I really wouldn't change anything. And yet...come, Lord, come.

Revelation 15:3b-4 (TLB)
"Great and marvelous
Are your doings,
Lord God Almighty.
Just and true
Are your ways,
O King of Ages.
Who shall not fear,
O Lord,
And glorify your Name?
For you alone are holy.
All nations will come
And worship before you,
For your righteous deeds
Have been disclosed."